Surviving Single-Parenting

Big confession coming on: I am a single-parent. It's not a big confession because I'm trying to keep it a secret; it's a big confession because it's not something I enjoy saying. When I do, people automatically start putting my family in boxes.

Did her boyfriend dump her when she got pregnant? Is she on welfare? Is her child being raised by a daycare center? Is she lonely? Is she miserable?

The fact that I'm young and bi-racial does not win me any points in this game.

Quite frankly none of that is anyone's business, but to dispel the initial curiosity I will clarify that I was married to my son's father, but we no longer live together. The key take away here is that I was not always a single-parent. Now that I am, and have been for some time, I understand that there is a big difference between raising a child(ren) by yourself versus raising a child with another person in the home, and often the transition can be really difficult.

That said, there are some key things to keep in mind when you feel like you can't possibly make it through this.

1. The Lord Provides 

This might be a difficult one to believe, so we're going to tackle it first. Whatever circumstances have come your way that have led you to parenting on your own probably do not feel like the Lord's provision. If anyone tells you that God is testing you, walk away. That's flat out wrong. The truth is we live in a broken world where bad things happen to good people for no good reason (Ecclesiastes 9:11).

No matter how overwhelming or stressful this period may, God has not abandoned you. He wants to help you through it. Kim at Not Consumed looks deeper at what the Bible says about the struggle you're facing.


 Seek out believers in your church and community that can remind you of this and pray over you. If your church has turned against you because of your situation (as some do), then leave and never go back. That is not the love of Christ and you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.

2. Find Your Network and Hold them Close

You are going to need help. The kids will get sick. Something will break that you can't fix. Your children and/or boss will need you to be in 5 places at once. Sometimes you will legitimately need a break. 


Without another adult in the home, all of these things require more of an effort to tackle. For those of us who pride ourselves on being independant and able (raising my hand here) it is hard to ask for help. 


It's important to identify who you can really lean on and how they can help early in the game. I know who to call about car trouble, home repairs, childcare, and running to the pharmacy when I'm home with a sick kid in a snow storm (that's a real life example for you). Seek out those people and keep them close.

3. Things Can Get Ugly, Allow Yourself Some Grace

I have cried, inexplicably, at the grocery store. I have yelled at my son over toys on the floor. I have fed my child fast-food 3 days in a row because I was too exhausted to cook. None of these things are "okay," but they will be much worse if I beat myself up over them. 


Parenting was not meant to be done alone, and while we are very adaptive creatures, adaptation takes time (and prayer and coffee). When these things happen, use it as a learning experience. What could you have done differently? Sometimes the answer will be nothing and that's okay too. If it involved your children, use it as a learning experience for them too. Mommy was feeling angry and made a bad choice. It's not okay to yell. I'm sorry. In the end they will still respect you even if they know you're human.

4. Know Your Priorities

There are things we need, things that are important, and things we would like. Know the difference. You cannot do everything. Do what you need to do, try to do what you'd like to do, let the rest go. My house is almost always a mess. I hate it. But I am only one person, so if we have clean clothes, clean dishes, and a disinfected bathroom, I can move on to the next task on my list and let the rest go.

This does NOT mean leisure activities shouldn't be a priority. I feel like this is a common misconception when we're trying to hold up all 4 corners of the world, we assume we have to get all the to-dos taken care of before we can do anything else. That is false and a recipe for disaster. Your children are depending on you and if you don't take the time to do whatever you need to do the recharge, they will suffer.

Everyone's priorities are different. I can't tell you what yours should be. But once you discover them, make reasonable daily goals and let the rest go. If number 18 on your to-do list doesn't get done, it doesn't matter. You are only one person.

5. Think About the Future

If single-parenting was sudden and unexpected, it's likely you are scrambling to find out how you're family will function, and that's important. But regardless of where you are in this perilous journey, it's important to look ahead and see what would be best for your whole family long term. 


Would it be best to try to increase your income to cover the difference, or downsize your home? Would moving to be closer to relative benefit your children? Would going back to school help your family long term? These are important things to consider, especially if the short-term answer is  one that is not ideal for you or your kiddos. 


I worked 60 hours a week for a while and missed so much of my son's first year it breaks my heart. I found a school that I love and can attend entirely online and decided it would be best for both of us if I continued my education. Short-term I feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends, but I know it is the best way attain my long term goal, which is to work less for more money and spend the rest of the time being a momma. 

I pray that this will help you in whatever single-parenting box you fit in. It is a process. It takes time, and often a whole host of mistakes, but you will come out stronger on the other side of the fire.

I'd love to hear from you! What would you add? What pearls of wisdom helped you navigate being a single parent? Leave a comment.

Blessings