I have never been fond of TV myself. For most of my adult life I haven't had cable, and at times not even a streaming service. I was one of those people who swore that when I had kids they would never watch TV (we all know that chick; the one we smile at knowingly).
So even though I didn't stick to my guns there, I have always been intentional in limiting my son's screen time. When my husband moved out, one of the first things I did was cancel Netflix and take the TV out of the living room and put it in the den. Even so, my son's TV watching got a little out of control.
As a mom, I wear many hats. I am a chef, a maid, an errand boy, and a landscaper. I'm a single-mom so I'm also the only income and a full-time student. I felt tremendously guilty about the amount of time I was spending busy, and I found myself saying things like: you can watch a show while mommy takes a shower....while mommy does the dishes....while mommy makes a phone call...insert whatever other activity comes to mind that is easier without a small person.
None of those thing are wrong. But they started adding up. Add in the fact that it is winter in Michigan, and if you know anything about winter in the Northern US of A, you know it is usually too cold for toddlers to go out and play. At least not for any length of time.
I did the math and discovered we were watching TV for 4 hours a day! Not all at once mind you, but all little by little those shows were adding up. American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than 1 hour per day for toddlers, primary because too much TV viewing is linked to obesity and sleep disturbances.
Not only is that a disgusted amount of sedentary time, it was causing a lot of fights. When he was watching TV, if we had to stop to have dinner or take a bath or get dressed to go to church it became WWIII. I totally agree with this particular post on Not Consumed that electronics are killing our parenting. Screens distract children from important things happening in the real world, including following directions.
So one day I woke up and decided we needed a break, and we weren't going to watch TV all day.
Not only that, I was not going to be the replacement form of entertainment. I spend A LOT of time with my child. Nannying is my profession so playing with him (plus additional children) is LITERALLY my full time job. Plus we have plenty of playtime at home. I didn't have any more time to give, and even if I did, that would have totally defeated the purpose.
As much as I hate this fact and it pains me to say it, children need to be bored. If children are constantly entertained and overstimulated, then they are never given the opportunity to be creative, evaluate their own time and resources, explore, or use their imagination. Not only that, being bored helps them develop executive function, which is basically the ability to plan, prioritize, and organize things required to reach goals. A super important part of being a functional adult.
Needless to say, my small person was not on board with this plan. He whined. He cried. He tried to sneak and turn it on without me noticing, leading me to unplug it. It was quite the shock to his system.
But instead of giving in for a moment of peace, his insistence actually strengthened my convictions. Up until that point I just thought we were watching a bit too much TV. It wasn't until I took it away that I realized he did not know how to entertain himself.
Well then I felt like a horrible mother and was convinced CPS should take my child away because I had never let him be bored. But then I gathered my emotions and we continued.
After 2 days he gave up the fight, the world was no longer ending. However, that didn't stop the constant can I watch TV now? When I went back to work, we continued our screenless lifestyle and my little charges went through a similar process of being convinced they were going to die and then realizing that they weren't.
After everyone realized life would go on, the kids adjusted in some pretty interesting ways. I knew it would improve our life, but I was not prepared for the depth and breadth of that positive change. After seeing the results, I feel obligated to share my experience with all moms. Not to say that everyone should do it. Every family is different. But I would feel guilty if I didn't share this miraculous change with the world incase someone is in a similar boat, and not sure what to do next.
Here are 3 changes that happened within my child once I took the TV away:
1) He learned how to entertain himself.
I know, that's not a big surprise. Although for a while I was concerned about just how dysfunctional he had become. But once I stopped providing him instant entertainment, he suddenly got very creative.
He was constantly pretending to be a cat or a dog or some other household pet that is adorable, but does not respond with words when you ask it a question (most frustrating parenting dilemma ever). He colored. He raided my kitchen utensils and "cooked" Kibbles n' Bits for the dog. And the most encourage of all, he became OBSESSED with books.
Suddenly all of our together play time was spent reading to him. And when he was left to entertain himself he would "read" to himself. He's 2, so he's really memorizing the stories and reciting them from picture cues or making it up, but still. How awesome is that?! We get 30 book from the library at a time and they only last 2 weeks before we've read each one a million times and I need some new material.
2) He started to regulate his emotions better.
Dominic has always been a very intense child. VERY intense. He's intensely happy. He's intensely sad. He's intensely angry. I know toddlers are intense by nature, but I've worked with a lot of kids in my career. He's intense.
But once we removed the screen time, there was a definite shift. It was so dramatic that other people noticed it. I didn't put much thought into it before we started this process, but since better executive function is linked to better emotional regulations, it makes sense. Not only did he develop skills to better reach goals in the physical world around him, he developed skills to better reach psychosocial goals, such as calming down after feeling upset or not acting aggressively when angry.
That's not to say that he doesn't still have tantrums and emotional meltdown. Once again, he's 2. That's also not to say that the same shift will happen in someone else's child or that too much screen time is the reason Sally Sue is having trouble regulating her emotions. All I know is ever since we made the switch his tantrums and emotional meltdowns have been reduced by more than half, and that's good enough for me.
3) He doesn't want to watch TV anymore.
This doesn't me he eventually stopped asking. He didn't, although he did ask much less frequently. But after a few weeks and establishing some much better habits with our time and resources, I decided that we were ready to indulge in a little screen time if we wanted. For me, a little was 30 minutes or less per day.
But in the end it really did matter because he won't watch TV anymore! I never offer screen time to him as a suggestion (I just feel like that sends the wrong message), but if he asks and I feel like it's the appropriate time for a little sedentary time, I will turn the TV on for him. However, he will only watch for about 15-20 minutes and then he walks away (usually to join whatever I'm doing). My child, who used to sit through an entire cartoon movie and ask for another one, cannot make it through single PBS episode.
On more than one exhausted occasion I've said "let's have a family movie night!" and I go all out with popcorn and blankets and snuggles in the recliner. But even then I can only get about 30 minutes out of him and then he walks off to go read a book or something.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining (although sometimes it is tempting). This is definitely what I want for our family. But it did take some time to mourn the loss of: why don't you watch Curious George while, Mommy takes a shower? I have not showered alone in quite some time. But at least now instead of being interrupted by whining about the end of a DVD, I'm interrupted by "Mommy, can I read you a book while you're in the shower?" In the end I would call that a success.
What has been your experiences with your kids and screen time? How do you combat the cries of boredom? leave a comment.
Blessings
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