As a nanny, I have the amazing opportunity (and obstacle at times) of taking my son to work with me. This is a tremendous blessing for a number of reasons. It means that as a single-mom I don't have to spend money on childcare. It also means, more importantly, that I get to spend my days with my son and really fostering his growth and development.
This also means that every work day I have to get my 2-year-old dressed, fed, and out the door by 7:15am or I'll be late for work. I know that this situation isn't unique to me as a nanny. There are many families who have to get the kids out the door in the morning for daycare, school, or to take siblings to school.
Because this process can be challenging and frustrating, I want to share with you some things that I have picked up while working with children over the years that make getting out in the morning a little smoother.
Prepare as much as you can ahead of time
For most families, this means getting things ready the night before. Anything that you can do advance, do it. Pack lunches, lay out clothes, put coffee in the coffee pot, get breakfast items ready. When everything is already in place, it is much faster and easier to put the rest of the pieces together than in the morning when everyone is stumbling around groggy and grumpy.
Give your kids as much responsibility as they can handle
What this looks like is going to depend on age and also on the child. I've seen people use picture boards or checklist that kids work through, but I've never done that with any of my kids. Not saying they don't work, I've just never tried them.
Although it may seem faster to do everything yourself than to let your toddler spend 10 minutes putting his shoe on, in the long run it's not. Children desire autonomy, and they are much more cooperative when they can take ownership of the process.
Whatever you feel your child can do themselves with very few prompts, put it on their plate. It will make them more cooperative and remove a bit of the stress from your morning.
Give clear directions about what still needs to be done
I feel like this is where one of those picture boards would be handy. In any case, I have been totally guilty of giving my son a task, go brush your teeth, and then been shocked and upset when he does that and then goes back to playing instead of continuing to get ready.
I have learned with toddlers (or even older children), the word "then" is very important. Go brush your teeth THEN get dressed. I check on my son often during the morning because he's 2 so he's easily side-track. When he's gotten to the next step, I give him praise and then let him know what to do when he's done. Thank you for following directions. Finish getting dressed, then feed the dog.
This should become less important as kids get older and as they get used to the routine.
Be realistic about your timeframe
Chances are it takes your children longer to do just about anything than it takes you to do it. This goes for eating, dressing, brushing their teeth, combing their hair, or anything else they might need them to do. That means that you want them to start getting ready based on how much time they need, not how much time you think they should need. If they are slow eaters, get up earlier. If it takes them a long time to do their hair, get up earlier. If they have a hard time waking up in the morning, go to bed earlier. I can't pretend that those changes are easy, but if it's going to mean mornings with less fighting, it's worth considering.
Put your stuff in your car before your kids. Or vice versa
Depending on how much stuff you have and how helpful and able-bodied your kids are, this might not be necessary. I, however, usually travel with toddlers and quite often am transporting enough stuff to go backpacking through Europe. You want to have free hands when you're trying to get little ones out of the house and into the car. I have learned the hard way that there is nothing more frustrating than trying get kids out the door and into the car when my hands are full and I'm spilling my coffee and someone slips on the ice and I can't even reach down to help him up. So instead, I go put my stuff in the car (and usually start it too, since I live in Michigan), and come back in and finish getting the kids ready.
Have a "Launch Pad"
I just made that term up right now, as I was trying to think of how to explain the most important advice of this whole topic. My "Launch Pad" is the place where all the kids go when they are completely ready to leave. In our house this is our breeze way, at work this is the mudroom, in our old house it was the kitchen because that's where the back door was. The most important part of a Launch Pad is that once they are ready and in it THEY CANNOT LEAVE. Again, speaking from experience, there is nothing more frustrating than finally having everyone ready to go, running to the other room to grab your phone, and coming back to find you're suddenly missing a child who wandered off to watch TV again. It makes it easy to assess how ready we actually are if we can get a head count of how many people are ready to walk out the door.
Tell yourself you have to leave earlier than you really do
When I said earlier that I have to get out the door by 7:15, that was actually I lie. I HAVE to get out the door by 7:25, or else we'll be late, but every day I try to leave by 7:15. And once a month we actually succeed.
Face it, it is VERY challenging to leave on time with kids. Just when you think you're ready to go, somebody has to poop. Somebody forgot something important. And someone else decides they don't want to go. Don't set yourself up for failure by trying to leave at the last minute and then being late. It just leads to a lot of yelling and a poor start to the morning. If we actually get out of the house at the attempted time, I'll sometimes use the extra time to go to Tim Horton's for doughnut holes. Either way, it is much less frustrating when your child is running behind if you know that it's not actually going to cause anyone to be late.
I've unfortunately learned all these things from experience after doing it the other way and failing (and yelling and being late an awful lot). How about you? What helps your family get on the road on time? leave a comment!
Blessings
I did not grow up in the church or with really any understanding of God. I didn't find Christ until college. This means I went almost 19 years without knowing the love and grace that God has for me. I find that for some of my Christian friends this is a little hard to truly grasp. They have all gone through periods where they felt distant from God or were making choices that they knew would interfere with their relationship with God. Some even out right turned their backs. But I simply never knew him. I never knew that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I never knew that he loved me just the way I was. I never knew that despite my many flaws and failings, he sent his only son to die so that I could have a personal relationship with him forever. I had no idea.
This caused a lot of loneliness, a lot of gratification seeking. and a lot of destructive choices. But ever since I accepted Christ as my Savior, my life has been completely different. I have been completely different. It wasn't an overnight transformation and there were major periods of regression, but I could never imagine going back to the person I was.
Because I know what it's like to live on the other side, and to not know Christ, it has always been imperative to me to teach my son about God from a young age.
I wanted to share with you some things that I do in my parenting to help teach my son about God and to encourage that relationship. I also want to share with you some things I don't do, because I feel that those would do more harm than good.
God always loves you
For me this is fundamental. I want my son to understand that God cares for him, and that when he falls short, his heavenly father will forgive him. When I tell him I love him, I remind him of all the people in his life that love him, including God. And that God, just like mommy, will always love him no matter what.
You can always talk to God
When I pray with my son (and honestly, even when I pray by myself) I use simple words and sentences, because I want him to feel comfortable talking to God. I want him to know that prayer is really just a conversation. I remind him that he can talk to God about anything, something interesting or something exciting or something scary, and He will always listen.
God created all things
I probably spend the most time on this one right now because he's young enough to still be incredibly amazed by nature. When we're at the zoo or in the garden or taking a walk I remind him that God made everything. God made the plants. God made the animals. God made the sunshine. Sometimes, if it seems to have piqued his interest will stop for a moment to say a prayer of thanks to God for making those things.
Like I said, there are also some things that I don't do. Some of them are because he's still so young, and some things I never will do because I feel it does more harm than good.
I don't make him sit through service
Before everyone gets deeply offended by this line of thinking, allow me to explain. When he was an infant I always took him to service with me. He would nurse and sleep most of the time. As he go older (and mobile) getting him to be reasonably still and quiet became quite a challenge and frustration for both of us.
Although I wanted him in service with me (mostly because of my attachment issues) I really had to step back and take a look at the bigger picture. What was I trying to accomplish? We attend a large church that has an amazing children's ministry and such a large number of children that they are able to have a ministry specifically for each age group. More than anything I did NOT want church to be a chore. We all have to do things in life we don't want to do, but I didn't want our time in fellowship to be one of them.
So when we get to church I give him a choice (because 2 year olds love choices) he can come in and "sing songs" with me, which is how he refers to worship, or he can go play with his friends. Typically, he'll opt to come into worship with me, stay for about 30 minutes, then asks to go to the kid's room right before the sermon starts.
This works really well for our family. He's always excited to go to church. He gets to participate in worship time with me because he wants to. And he gets to see that this is an important time for me and for all of the adults in our congregation. As he gets older, we might do things a little differently, or we might not. And that's not to say that it is wrong if your young children sit in service with you. That's just what I do to best accomplish the spiritual goals that I have for my family.
I don't teach him about commandment and obedience to God...yet
He's so young, that the concept that there's this unseen being who's always there and listening to him is hard enough. If I make Him a score keeper, then that can sound pretty terrifying to a child.
More importantly, it distract from the thing that I really want to draw attention to, which is that God is love. As he gets older we'll talk more about the way that God calls us to live our life, but just not right now.
I don't tell him how to pray
I've seen lots of cute kid's prayers and memory verses for little ones, and I think that's nice, but if my son is going to build a relationship with God, I want it to be genuine to him.
We do talk about the kinds of things that are good to pray about. We should thank God for things he created like food and sunshine. We can talk to God when we're upset or need help. I also model pray. He listens to me pray and other adults in his life.
And I also never make him pray. When I give him the opportunity to pray with me, he usually takes it, but if he doesn't that's okay. When he does pray, what comes out often doesn't quite make sense, but I can tell it's whatever is on his mind. I love this. I think it is beautiful. He talks to God the way he talks to any other adult in his life. I love this because I want him to know he doesn't have to filter his relationship with God. He doesn't have to hold back. He doesn't need a script. No matter what it is, good or bad, I want him to know he can offer it up to God.
If your family does things differently, that's fine too. If you're happy with the results, that's all that matters! If you're feeling a little stuck or looking for some inspiration, I hope this helps.
Blessings.
I have never been fond of TV myself. For most of my adult life I haven't had cable, and at times not even a streaming service. I was one of those people who swore that when I had kids they would never watch TV (we all know that chick; the one we smile at knowingly).
So even though I didn't stick to my guns there, I have always been intentional in limiting my son's screen time. When my husband moved out, one of the first things I did was cancel Netflix and take the TV out of the living room and put it in the den. Even so, my son's TV watching got a little out of control.
As a mom, I wear many hats. I am a chef, a maid, an errand boy, and a landscaper. I'm a single-mom so I'm also the only income and a full-time student. I felt tremendously guilty about the amount of time I was spending busy, and I found myself saying things like: you can watch a show while mommy takes a shower....while mommy does the dishes....while mommy makes a phone call...insert whatever other activity comes to mind that is easier without a small person.
None of those thing are wrong. But they started adding up. Add in the fact that it is winter in Michigan, and if you know anything about winter in the Northern US of A, you know it is usually too cold for toddlers to go out and play. At least not for any length of time.
I did the math and discovered we were watching TV for 4 hours a day! Not all at once mind you, but all little by little those shows were adding up. American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than 1 hour per day for toddlers, primary because too much TV viewing is linked to obesity and sleep disturbances.
Not only is that a disgusted amount of sedentary time, it was causing a lot of fights. When he was watching TV, if we had to stop to have dinner or take a bath or get dressed to go to church it became WWIII. I totally agree with this particular post on Not Consumed that electronics are killing our parenting. Screens distract children from important things happening in the real world, including following directions.
So one day I woke up and decided we needed a break, and we weren't going to watch TV all day.
Not only that, I was not going to be the replacement form of entertainment. I spend A LOT of time with my child. Nannying is my profession so playing with him (plus additional children) is LITERALLY my full time job. Plus we have plenty of playtime at home. I didn't have any more time to give, and even if I did, that would have totally defeated the purpose.
As much as I hate this fact and it pains me to say it, children need to be bored. If children are constantly entertained and overstimulated, then they are never given the opportunity to be creative, evaluate their own time and resources, explore, or use their imagination. Not only that, being bored helps them develop executive function, which is basically the ability to plan, prioritize, and organize things required to reach goals. A super important part of being a functional adult.
Needless to say, my small person was not on board with this plan. He whined. He cried. He tried to sneak and turn it on without me noticing, leading me to unplug it. It was quite the shock to his system.
But instead of giving in for a moment of peace, his insistence actually strengthened my convictions. Up until that point I just thought we were watching a bit too much TV. It wasn't until I took it away that I realized he did not know how to entertain himself.
Well then I felt like a horrible mother and was convinced CPS should take my child away because I had never let him be bored. But then I gathered my emotions and we continued.
After 2 days he gave up the fight, the world was no longer ending. However, that didn't stop the constant can I watch TV now? When I went back to work, we continued our screenless lifestyle and my little charges went through a similar process of being convinced they were going to die and then realizing that they weren't.
After everyone realized life would go on, the kids adjusted in some pretty interesting ways. I knew it would improve our life, but I was not prepared for the depth and breadth of that positive change. After seeing the results, I feel obligated to share my experience with all moms. Not to say that everyone should do it. Every family is different. But I would feel guilty if I didn't share this miraculous change with the world incase someone is in a similar boat, and not sure what to do next.
Here are 3 changes that happened within my child once I took the TV away:
1) He learned how to entertain himself.
I know, that's not a big surprise. Although for a while I was concerned about just how dysfunctional he had become. But once I stopped providing him instant entertainment, he suddenly got very creative.
He was constantly pretending to be a cat or a dog or some other household pet that is adorable, but does not respond with words when you ask it a question (most frustrating parenting dilemma ever). He colored. He raided my kitchen utensils and "cooked" Kibbles n' Bits for the dog. And the most encourage of all, he became OBSESSED with books.
Suddenly all of our together play time was spent reading to him. And when he was left to entertain himself he would "read" to himself. He's 2, so he's really memorizing the stories and reciting them from picture cues or making it up, but still. How awesome is that?! We get 30 book from the library at a time and they only last 2 weeks before we've read each one a million times and I need some new material.
2) He started to regulate his emotions better.
Dominic has always been a very intense child. VERY intense. He's intensely happy. He's intensely sad. He's intensely angry. I know toddlers are intense by nature, but I've worked with a lot of kids in my career. He's intense.
But once we removed the screen time, there was a definite shift. It was so dramatic that other people noticed it. I didn't put much thought into it before we started this process, but since better executive function is linked to better emotional regulations, it makes sense. Not only did he develop skills to better reach goals in the physical world around him, he developed skills to better reach psychosocial goals, such as calming down after feeling upset or not acting aggressively when angry.
That's not to say that he doesn't still have tantrums and emotional meltdown. Once again, he's 2. That's also not to say that the same shift will happen in someone else's child or that too much screen time is the reason Sally Sue is having trouble regulating her emotions. All I know is ever since we made the switch his tantrums and emotional meltdowns have been reduced by more than half, and that's good enough for me.
3) He doesn't want to watch TV anymore.
This doesn't me he eventually stopped asking. He didn't, although he did ask much less frequently. But after a few weeks and establishing some much better habits with our time and resources, I decided that we were ready to indulge in a little screen time if we wanted. For me, a little was 30 minutes or less per day.
But in the end it really did matter because he won't watch TV anymore! I never offer screen time to him as a suggestion (I just feel like that sends the wrong message), but if he asks and I feel like it's the appropriate time for a little sedentary time, I will turn the TV on for him. However, he will only watch for about 15-20 minutes and then he walks away (usually to join whatever I'm doing). My child, who used to sit through an entire cartoon movie and ask for another one, cannot make it through single PBS episode.
On more than one exhausted occasion I've said "let's have a family movie night!" and I go all out with popcorn and blankets and snuggles in the recliner. But even then I can only get about 30 minutes out of him and then he walks off to go read a book or something.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining (although sometimes it is tempting). This is definitely what I want for our family. But it did take some time to mourn the loss of: why don't you watch Curious George while, Mommy takes a shower? I have not showered alone in quite some time. But at least now instead of being interrupted by whining about the end of a DVD, I'm interrupted by "Mommy, can I read you a book while you're in the shower?" In the end I would call that a success.
What has been your experiences with your kids and screen time? How do you combat the cries of boredom? leave a comment.
Blessings
